Boys will be boys, and sluts and their bastard children will be pilloried

There's all sorts of arguing back and forth on this particular story about a 25-year-old computer programmer, who thinks that because his girlfriend had the right to an abortion, he should have the right to forgo child support for a child he didn't want.

I'll let you read the various posts and exasperated exchanges to see the nuanced (and not-so-nuanced) views of morality, ethics, and obligations.

What strikes me about this case is that it is being taken seriously precisely at the time when reproductive rights are under serious attack. Contrary to popular myth, there is no Planned Parenthood on every corner--in fact, most counties in the US do not have an abortion provider. It is getting more and more difficult to get the Pill and Plan B, thanks to refusal clauses. Anti-choice wingnuts kill doctors and assault and harass women who go to the clinics. It's not as if getting a legal abortion is all that easy right now; couple that with red states like Mississippi that want to follow South Dakota's lead, and we'll be back to the bad old days.

Let me refresh your memories about the bad old days. Because while some men did "the right thing" (as in moral, not as in right for them, the woman, or the child) and got married to the women they impregnated, others didn't, and got out of any obligations by saying, "Hey, she's a slut. I'm not the only guy she's been with. I'm probably not the father." And boys were boys (whoo! have fun screwing around, boys!) while single mothers were whores and their children were bastards.

Abortion was legalized, and the Pill was made available. Then, lo and behold, DNA arrived, and the men who wanted to say "How do I even know if it is mine?" suddenly couldn't. There it was--the proof. The kid is genetically yours.

I'm a big proponent of birth control for men. I just wish that the men who ran the pharmeceutical companies, who served in office, and who were engaging in "boys will be boys" behavior agreed with that for the past fifty years. But until recently, it was deemed the woman's responsibility--even to the point of women being advised to have a stash of condoms. Granted, it's good advice, but as an old college roommate asked me in exasperation one day, "Are the guys expected to be responsible for anything?"

I find the rhetoric about how "unfair" it is that women have good birth control and men don't to be disingenuous, given all this. There's this "unfairness" because for too long, we were the ones who were soley expected to worry about all that, and in many cases, we still are. The answer in that issue isn't to blame women, guys, but to blame patriarchy that deemed birth control an unimportant little trifle that the sluts had to worry about.

And now we have dwindling access to birth control. With abortion and birth control under attack, we've got a case that would make even child support questionable just as women's other options are being eroded. Despite what these guys would have you believe, women can't just get abortions anymore. Many cannot get the Pill, thanks to refusal clauses and cost barriers. (And these guys, whose insurance likely covers Viagra, should keep in mind that many insurance plans do not cover the Pill.) It is not a question of a woman trying to trap a 25-year-old hunka hunka burning love. While some such women exist--and they're pretty pathetic--I very much doubt that every single man who tries to wiggle out of his financial obligations to his kid(s) is the victim of a scheming she-harpy.

But no matter. It's no coincidence that this case is being taken seriously now. The anti-choice, reactionary, theocratic wingnuts want to put women in their place, like the good old days, when men were told that "boys will be boys" and women were either virgins or whores, and children were bastards. Back then there was a lot of hostility about how women tried to trap helpless men into marriage, while putting women on pedestals and waxing poetic about nice girls and good wives, and the power behind the throne. All the while, the cast-off women and girls had these dubious choices: a) a back-alley abortion, b) going through forty weeks of pregnancy with all of its risks and complications only to give the resulting child up for adoption, or c) going through forty weeks of pregnancy with all of its risks and complications to be a single mother with no support. Either option also got you branded a slut, moral panics about womens' behavior, and a lecture about keeping your legs closed. Much like now, in fact.

History does repeat itself.

Comments

[Angela Shelton]

History does indeed repeat itself. There was a time when Goddesses were worshiped and respected but the men were afraid of us because we got together and bled together and didn't die! We are also magical beings with intense intuition. The dodo bird men (who are actually frightened little boys) have been trying to squash us for a very very long time but there are many good men (the real men) on our side and they are helping our slow movement forward. Abortion, rape, child sexual abuse and domestic violence are not Women's Issues. That makes me crazy. Rape is a man's issue actually. All of these problems are Human Rights issues. Much like the Civil Rights movement where awakened whites walked with the blacks, the men must walk with us.

Dammit, these stories make me mad. I have to always go back to MLK Jr and remember that we will, with a lot of hard work and commitment, move forward and bring change.

Thanks for having such an awesome blog and talking about these issues. :)