President-for-Life Sheelzebub establishes South Dakota Chapter of the Seahorse Brigade

Her Infernal Majesty Sheelzebub announced the South Dakota Chapter of the Seahorse Brigade during a trip she took to the state in her tour to promote her War on Democracy.

"I'm naming the South Dakota Chapter specifically because they are a paragon of pro-life values," she said at the press conference. "It's about time men realized that all life is valuable--except for the lives of the people we bomb and kill. They aren't really living."

South Dakota recently passed a law banning all abortions, even in cases of rape, incest, and health dangers to the mother.

Madame Presidente, during her press conference, also announced that she named South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds as Grand Seahorse, a title she thought of "just now."

"Look," she said, "I know these South Dakotan women will bleat about how their rights are being sacrificed, but we need to make sacrifices to protect life. That boy Mike is all about sacrificing rights to protect life. So he's the perfect candidate."

The Seahorse Brigade is comprised of pro-life men who have had fetuses implanted into them and carry them to term. Other prominent members are Randall Terry, Jim Sedlak, and Troy Newman. Terry, Sedlak, Newman, and the other Brigade members are all being held in an undisclosed location while they gestate and give birth. The program was developed to help promote fetal voting rights.

"We can't have these guys go out and do dangerous guy-like things," the President-for-Life said. "They could hurt the babies. So we have to protect them for their sake and their babies' sakes."

Some critics charge that the Seahorse Brigade members were forcibly implanted, and that contrary to her original claims, pro-life women didn't get the honor of providing embryonic voters to Sheelzebub--only prolife men. However, Her Infernal Majesty dismissed such claims as divisive.

"How convenient to deflect the focus away from life. If we don't start mass-producing children, marketers will have no one to sell crap to and I'll have no kickbacks. If we don't have lots of embroys and fetuses, I don't get votes. That simply will not do. Look, I've said it before and I'll say it again: sacrifices must be made in our quest for life. These slutty, immoral women wouldn't take care of their gestating babies, so we have to leave it up to the men, who we all know are far better at making life decisions than women are anyway. Women, who we all know just hate sex, must go out and have as much sex as possible. But if they're pregnant, they can't get pregnant again. So we must implant the zygotes in pro-life men. We all have a role to play here."

Rounds, when informed of his new appointment, reportedly tried to escape the state. He was stopped at the border and taken to an undisclosed location.