President-for-Life Announces New Minister Appointments
The response to my competition was overwhelming! It's good to know that the virtues of nepotism, bribery, and general corruption are not dead here in the U.S.--or abroad. I'd like to thank all of my new ministers, and hope they prosper well in their new positions. They'd better. I expect kickbacks.
Drumroll please. . .
Minister for Evolution is The Birdwoman.
Brainwise has asked for, and gotten, two Ministry titles, which means I will get double the kickbacks! I hereby title thee Minister of Illustrated Literature and Minister of the Mudane and Surreal.
Chalicechiq will be known from this moment on as the Minister of Religious Education. Part of the duties of this position is to elimate the "fuzzy bunny crap." The psycho bunny crap is all good--that's the Minister of the Mudane and Surreal's area.
Ravenmn is now the Minister of Ephemera.
Cuddlefish is now the Minister of Sports to promote kick-ass roller derbies as good, clean fun.
Suki Lombard is now the Minister for Choosing.
Arse Poetica is now the Ministress of Polemical Farce, Political Art, and Poetical Arse, or MoPFPAaPA for short.
Femiknitmafia is the Minister of Arts and Crafts, and the Minister of Lesbian Drama. (Maybe we can arrange for Shane from the L Word to be your, um, communications director or something.)
Newswriter is the Minister of Mainstream Media.
Morgaine Swann is the Minister of Matriarchy. Heh heh heh.
The Erudite Redneck is now the Minister of--what else?--Redneck Erudition.
D.E.D. is now Ministry of Second-Wave Outrage and Pro Tennis Hoodoo.
Alex is now the Minister of Fear and Whiskey. The latter will dull the former, but you will be taxed for having both.
sju-sjukskoterska is now the Minister for the Colonies. Just remember Sju, as part of our glorious New Manifest Destiny, I have an affirmative action program in place for those who would like to apply for the position of downtrodden people. Bascially, it's for white folks.
Elfy is the Shadow Minister of Lurkage. When you least expect her. . .expect her.
Andante is the Minister of Ministers.
Zoe is the Minister of Distant Suckholes.
Ms. Jared is the Minister of Snack Foods and Booze.
Michael Bérubé is the Minister of Culture and Beer. (Alcohol does seem to be popular--you boozing ministers will just have to work it out. Or, better yet, you could indulge in some serious public mudslinging. That would be very entertaining, not to mention useful. I'd be able to rip off the Treasury undetected while the NY Times wrong its hands over your naughty behavior.)
Michael thought the Minister of Coffee would be a good title, but I'm holding that for Rook, because he asked for it on Elyane's blog. Ahem, please post here, Rook.
I'm holding the Minister of Whacking Stupid People On The Head, for Head Nurse and Minister of Kicking Your Stupid Right Wing Ass for Hakinimomma. I'm holding the Minister of Duplicity for Marina Voz. What I said to Rook goes for you, too. Post here, and I'll award your ministries officially.
Corndog is the Minister of Science and the Minister of Deep Fried Crunchy Goodness.
Media Girl is the new Bitch Czarina.
Our resident chinchilla-phile, Hugo, is now the Minister for Ecumenical Dialogue, Rodent Protection, and Endurance Athletics
Trish Wilson is the Minister of Motherhood. Go kiss her ring now. She and Hugo can both be co-Ministers of Humorless Trolls, since they both have infestations of that particular type.
Elayne Riggs is now the Minister for Sushi. (Um. . .I'll fogo the kickbacks if you can hook me up with some good toro sashimi. . .)
Pseudo-Adrienne is now the Minister of Angry Virgin Feminists.
Screwy Hoolie is the Minister of Divine Right and Scrutinous Hooliganism.
Mrs. McMuffin is the Minister of the Special Relationship; she will ensure that everyone will know why a British woman will laugh and laugh when you tell her that her husband would look smashing in red suspenders, and why a Yank will look at you funny when you say you'd like a pair of red braces.
Amanda is the Minister of Advice Enforcement.
Lauren is the Minister of Education. She will corrupt the minds of our youth with liberalism and compassion, damn her.
The Minister of Middle Distance is none other than Jo of Spanglemonkey.
Roxanne is our new Minister of Snark.
Kat is the Minister of Body Image.
Francis is now the Minister of Olive Oil. Being on the Côte d'Azur, I'm sure he won't mind too much when we have our annual Ministerial Meeting there.
Ann Bartow is the Minister of Chocolate. It is now an official food group.
Ms. B of Volsunga is the Minister of Re-Education (of Bigots).
Jennifer over at Chaos Theory is the Minister of--what else?--Chaos.
CEPetro is the Minister of Parrot Protection.
Whew! My fingers are sore from all of this typing. I need a vacation. I say we convene our first meeting at the Côte d'Azur.
Hey congrats Hellcat!
If you need a "Minister of Making Annoying Problems Go Away" when you go to form your own OSS/KGB/GRU/MI6/CIA division, let me know!
Posted by: UnapologeticAtheist | March 29, 2005 at 11:32 AM
Aiiieee! I just got back from a week eating cheese and poutine and poutine and cheese and crepes and poutine and cheese and crepes and poutine in Montreal, or I would've abased myself before Your greatness earlier. Thanks ever so.
Off to hunt Stupid People now. Heh.
Posted by: Jo | March 06, 2005 at 03:03 PM
Michael Berube also deserves the title of Minister of Links to Other Cool Blogs (and Lost Hamsters), 'cuz I never would have found this place if it weren't for him.
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl | March 04, 2005 at 10:23 PM
Yes, yes! I'd love to be the Minister Of Coffee! If appointed to this most excellent of posts, I promise to wipe out the most evilest of scourge that is cream & sugar.
Posted by: Rook | March 03, 2005 at 11:25 PM
Yes, yes! Please make me Minister of Coffee! I promise to wipe out the scorge that is cream in sugar should you appointment to such an admirable post.
Posted by: Rook | March 03, 2005 at 11:19 PM
I am just so proud.
Posted by: Zoe | March 03, 2005 at 08:29 PM
wow, I get snowed in/sick for a couple of days, and miss such a honorable announcement!
-hangs head in shame-
I'd like to thank Your Ever-Reigning Highness for granting my wish. I shall go back to my duties of lurking as soon as I finish this comment.
Posted by: Elfy | March 03, 2005 at 09:52 AM
Wow! I get snowed in/sick for a couple of days, and miss such a honorable announcement!
-hangs head in shame-
I'd like to thank Your Ever-Reigning Highness for granting my wish. I shall go back to my duties of lurking as soon as I finish this comment.
Posted by: Elfy | March 03, 2005 at 09:51 AM
I'd like to thank the Academy...
Posted by: CC | March 03, 2005 at 05:57 AM
Marina Voz reporting for duty as Minister of Duplicity, Sir...M'am...Sirmam, Your Highness!
Posted by: Marina Voz | March 03, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Thank you.
I will begin my Ministerial appointment by choosing between going to work and sleeping in.
PS This http://notanothertermplease.blogspot.com/
will find me if you have any urgent decisions for me to decide upon...
Posted by: Suki | March 02, 2005 at 07:01 PM
Yay! Thanks for the ministry and congrats to all you other ministers!
Posted by: newswriter | March 02, 2005 at 05:24 PM
Oooh! Oooh! Then I'm gonna get a bunch of T-shirts printed up that say: "Jesus, D-Nazareth." Hoo hoo, watch the heads explode!
Posted by: Erudite Redneck | March 01, 2005 at 06:49 PM
OK, first thing I'm gonna do is work on a redneck-politics-policy lexicon. Hmmm, lessee: Here's a start: "Social Justice" ain't the goldarn two-steppin' house band at the VFW hall. :-)
Posted by: Erudite Redneck | March 01, 2005 at 06:42 PM
Yay! I am busying myself with my duties as I write...
Posted by: Hugo | March 01, 2005 at 03:55 PM
Congratulations to the minions, er, ministers of our President for Life!
Love,
Hanna
Posted by: Hanna | March 01, 2005 at 03:10 PM
Wow, Sheelzebub, thanks so much for conferring those titles upon lowly ol' me!
Posted by: brainwise | March 01, 2005 at 03:05 PM
Woooo! I'd better get on with my promised reinstallation of WordPress so that I can better perform my ministerial duties...
Posted by: The Birdwoman | March 01, 2005 at 01:11 PM
Where are my assistants? I'm raising taxes on all of you! More wine! Foot massage!
All Hail Evil Queen.
Posted by: Screwy Hoolie | March 01, 2005 at 08:23 AM
Cool. Thanks Sheelz. Oh and uh, do we get penalized for showing up drunk and poorly dressed for meetings? It's just too hard sometimes to get yourself together in the morning.
Posted by: Pseudo-Adrienne | March 01, 2005 at 03:16 AM
I hereby impose a tariff on fear! A tax of one (1) bottle of Wild Turkey per terrifying thought, to be hand-delivered to me!
Posted by: Alex | February 28, 2005 at 11:47 PM
Will I be able to get a private jet to take me to Roland Garros? I think Alex, Ms. Jared and Michael shold come along, if you know what I mean.
Posted by: Diane | February 28, 2005 at 11:15 PM
Where's my office? I showed up for work this morning and it wasn't there any more. The hell!
Posted by: Jo | February 28, 2005 at 09:45 PM
Hey, Roxanne--it's a busy life, being a fascist chick. But I'll see what I can do.
Adrienne, if I get you an icon, you won't need health benefits, because everyone will know that you are all THAT. Honest. ;)
Posted by: Sheelzebub | February 28, 2005 at 09:27 PM
Hey, Roxanne--it's a busy life, being a fascist chick. But I'll see what I can do.
Adrienne, if I get you an icon, you won't need health benefits, because everyone will know that you are all THAT. Honest. ;)
Posted by: Sheelzebub | February 28, 2005 at 09:27 PM